re: cool.

I last wrote on this blog about two weeks ago. In case you didn't see it, essentially what you missed was that I admitted to being in a bad place and revealed that I was seeking help. I also explained that I was given a small platform on social media and through the projects I partake in, so I am not posting these blogs to garner attention for myself, but rather to show others that they are truly not alone.

Today is World Mental Health Day. I haven't talked to many people about the intensity of my experience with anxiety this past month because it's a hard subject to talk about. Mental health is a hard topic to talk about. It's hard to admit when we're not okay, and it is especially harder when it can't be seen from the outside.

Anxiety took over my life two weeks ago. In one week, I called in sick to my internship on Monday. I skipped class Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I went to one class because I knew I had a group presentation and the anxiety of letting my group down was worse than the anxiety I felt about going to class but skipped my other four, citing a migraine as my excuse because I didn't want to tell my professors what was really wrong. It almost felt silly, not showing up to class because of feelings of suffocation. What even is that? It almost doesn't seem like a valid excuse.

But it is. It is so valid. 

I'm only five weeks into my classes this semester but I've learned some of the most valuable lessons of my entire life. It is SO important to take care of yourself; physically, but especially mentally. For me, the first steps were taking a week off from almost all of my responsibilities, reevaluating the projects that are most important to me and the ones that are causing the most stress in my life, and seeing a therapist who, in two sessions, has already helped me tremendously. I've learned that the people who check up on you when you're in a bad place are the only ones who truly deserve your friendship, and to appreciate the little victories. On a day when I could barely get myself out of bed because of feeling like someone was stacking bricks on my chest, being able to say I made it to 7-11 to buy milk so that I could make myself mashed potatoes made me feel so much pride that you'd think I just finished a marathon in record time. 

Anyway, as usual I don't remember where I was going with this blog and I rambled on for long enough. The real point I think I'm trying to drive home is that mental health awareness is important. It's not all in your head, and your feelings are so, so valid. Especially in a world like today's, where everything is chaotic, it's important to put your own well-being first.

Thanks for reading.