It’s 9:12pm and I’m on a flight to Dallas, Texas writing this. I’m writing this because I’m having my first existential crisis of the year. I’m honestly shocked I made it to almost the end of March, but alas, guess I’m due for one of those days.
These things always come at really weird times for me- usually when I’m, in theory, the most secure in the things that I’m doing. Life is truly grand in Lanza Land right now. I spent last week in Austin for SXSW and I’m headed back down to Texas to work So What?! Music Festival with one of my favorite artists who just so happens to be one of my favorite people on the planet plus a team of two of my best friends. I just locked in a gig I’ve literally wanted forever: Warped Tour. I graduate college in less than two months and get to go home to my favorite city in the entire world before I head out on tour for eight weeks. (ALSO I TURN 21 SOON!) Everyone I work for / with has been so understanding and my friends are excited for me as I head into a new chapter of my life- one that admittedly is turning out to be waaaaay different than I had expected.
Spontaneity has consistently been one of my biggest fears and one I tried to face a little last summer but nothing would’ve prepared me for this point of my life where I’m kind of taking it head-on. Until last week I was headed home after graduating to work the same job I’ve been working for the past three summers, and while scooping ice cream is a fun summer job, someone I really respect once told me that I am “one of the hardest working people” he knows and that he “would hate to see that talent go to scooping ice cream.” I don’t think I have any talent whatsoever but I know I’m a hard-worker and knew I wasn’t about to head home without a music job lined up. And while I ~did the thing~ I’m only booked until the beginning of August, technically. Then what? Do I head home to Pittsburgh and hang there til something comes along? Do I couch surf in California until I find an industry job? Do I try to ride the touring wave for a few years? Do I go back to scooping ice cream and manage artists while I’m scoopin’ and see where that goes? WHO KNOWS!!!!! I SURE DON’T!!!!
All I know is that I need to start taking things one step at a time. I’ve got a little under two months left of college and living in Chicago in general. (Maybe for a hot second, maybe forever. There’s that uncertainty thing again.) Then I have two months on the road living out a dream. After that, I can start panicking. But for now, I’m trying to teach myself to take it easy. Focus. BREATHE. Cue the Take A Breath jokes but literally, I need to learn how to do that. I’m really bad at it.
Anyway, this “taking it one step at a time” thing starts now. Here’s to the last two months of being an undergrad student, and hopefully my last time as a student of any higher education institution.